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midnightrider71's Blog


Is there such a thing as too nice....

Ok.. I thot of a situation and I would like your input..
 
A guy has met a girl.. They both feel like this is 'the one'... After some time, she finds that he has a friend whom he is very close to, and even tho he and the friend are close and he was attracted to her, they've never tried to be in a relationship. They are so close as to tell each other they love each other,  and others have always just assumed they were in a relationship with each other because they were always around each other and the friend has described him as her 'safe place'. Still the girlfriend cannot seem to grasp this concept and feels betrayed by his actions and pulls away from him emotionally. Not understanding that he was with her because he loved her and would do anything for her.
 
This pulling away emotionally from him, happened on several occasions and always seemed to be because 'he 'did' something. Like going out with her and a group of friends to sing and having a total stranger come up to him and kiss him on the cheek and tell him that the song he sang made her night, to which the girlfriend became enraged and shoved him and told him to 'watch this' and immediately walked thru the bar and found a total stranger and kissed him on the cheek and gave him a hug to show the boyfriend 'how it felt'. And again, she emotionally withdrew from him. All the while, he is trying to tell her and show her that he loves her and is not trying to hurt her in any way, to no avail.
 
The third thing that happens is he has another girl who is a close friend (even tho they never see each other or hang around together), and they communicate thru text. She leans on him as a friend and guide and he has helped her thru some really rough patches of her life. One day in particular, she is really broken down and trying to build her up, he tells her that she is beautiful and strong and worth something. As you may have already imagined, the girlfriend gets mad and pulls away emotionally, yet again. Even tho the friend makes contact and tells her that there is no attraction on her end, they've just been really good friends. So, she tests him and tells him after a few days that he can talk to his friend. He almost immediately sends her a message. This proves to be his undoing. The girlfriend takes that as him choosing his friend over her, and the cycle begins all over again.
 
Now, each time she withdraws from him is a little more painful than the last time because he is really not understanding why she doesn't or won't just love him. According to her, all of those instances of him interacting with his female friends are 'a form of cheating' to her. And sadly, the last time she withdrew, he felt something leave him. He no longer looks at her the same. The bond of friendship that was there, is there no longer. He suddenly sees where 'their life' was on her terms. The thing is, after a while, she says she is in love with him and loves him just as strongly as the day they met. But you can tell when you look into his eyes that he is empty.
 
During this entire time, she has made it abundantly clear that she doesn't like sex. Wishes God never invented it.. but tells him that even pleasing himself will mean that he doesn't need her and she will leave. So will finding a 'partner', but what's he to do? She doesn't reciprocate the special feelings he gives her, doesn't give back the small things he does for her that make her feel so loved, cared for and cherished..
 
Now, trying to find a medium seems impossible when, as a couple, it seems they are woefully unbalanced.
 
So there you have it. Three instances where she makes sure that female friends are driven away from him or kept at bay and when they are not, she blames him and shows him the error of his ways by 'teaching' him.
 
So I ask you.. What do you see when you look at him? What would you say to him? Does he just need to stand up and leave her? What do you see when you look at her? What would you say to her? Is she really just that emotionally insecure?
 
Keep in mind that he is the type of person who has more female friends than male friends, simply because he gets along with them better.
 
Your honest opinion is appreciated.

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Is there such a thing as too nice...., posted December 20th, 2012

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